Body Focused Repetitive Behaviors

Body Focused Repetitive Behaviors, or for short, BFRB. They can range from anything from biting your lip until it bleeds, to spending hours ripping at your scalp. It can be caused by anything from OCD to Autism to ADHD but most of the time it begins in childhood and the cause of it is never identified. 

Mental illness is nothing new to me, I was diagnosed with OCD and depression at thirteen, attempted twice to take my own life before I was even twelve years old and prescribed medication and promptly told to hide the bottle so my friends that were sleeping over wouldn’t see, so I was very familiar with the stigma and shame that comes with having a mental illness, but what happens when no one, not even the people in your own community of mentally ill patients, will address your illness? What happens when no one even knows it exists? 

I was diagnosed with Dermatillomania (the compulsion to tear at my own skin), and Dermatophagia (the compulsion to bite at my own skin), two years after my original diagnosis of OCD and Depression. I was fifteen at this time and had been unknowingly suffering from my mental illness for nine years at that point, tearing at my scalp, nails, arms, legs and face, biting my lips, cheeks and fingers until I was left with permanent scars and a deformed fingernail. For years I hadn’t even known that what I was suffering from had a name, I just thought it was a “bad habit” like the way my OCD hand washing was just me practicing “good hygiene skills.”

It’s odd being a marginalized group in an already marginalized group. Many don’t even know that Dermatillomania and Dermatophagia or any BFRBs for that matter exist. So how are you supposed to discuss it? 

That is why I am writing this, because somewhere in the world there is a little girl like me, picking at her skin, wondering what’s wrong with her and why no one sees that she is suffering. I am here to tell my story, the story millions of others around the world have experienced firsthand themselves. I am here to tell them that they are not alone. That they can live a good life and be successful despite their scars and insecurities and mental illness. I am here to tell them that they are no less worthy of recovery than any other mentally ill person. 

My name is Hailey and I live with Dermatillomania and Dermatophagia. 

My name is Hailey and I am stigma free. 

My name is Hailey and I am a survivor.