My Path in Life

Hello my name is Darcy and I have schizoaffective disorder. This is not a way I would start a conversation. My disability does not define me, yet it speaks volumes about me. I wear many different faces; Girlfriend, Daughter, Sister, Student, Employee, Poet, Photographer and the list goes on. Any one of these labels in itself is a mere portion of how I would describe myself. How I see myself, and more importantly, how others see me is crucial to my self-esteem. One factor in the whole equation happens to be my mental health. Everybody has a story, not one of more importance than another and all of which that should be shared.

I grew up in a tourist trap of a town in northwestern Ohio, and although, my family was of an upper-middle class status, I personally had a miserable childhood. To this day, I feel like the black sheep of my family, and while that may, or may not, be the truth, my feelings are just as valid as the rest of my family’s feelings. Every holiday we would travel to grandma’s house in Michigan, and by the end of the day I would be in the parlor, sitting by myself, crying inconsolably. In retrospect, I feel as if I have been mentally ill my whole life. My moods went from rational to irrational, laughing to crying and then to anger and tears in a split second. At age 19, when I was diagnosed, my thoughts were racing and suddenly it was clear; I had a name for my emotional rollercoaster.

Naming something and living with something are two totally different concepts. Giving something a name is the first step to a long process of understanding. We cannot understand what we do not know. Education is the key; to naming, to understanding and to knowing. I take great pride in the role education has played in my life. From my second grade teacher who praised my work as a budding poet, to my current college professors who are teaching me to think for myself and ask the easiest difficult question: Why? That seemingly innocent question “why” is as fundamentally important to a two year old as it is a college student. When we ask the difficult questions, we shape the future of what could possibly be social change. Personally, I embrace change, and all it has to offer. Each new experience has forged my path in life to this very point. I have made mistakes and, yet, have no regrets. 

In May of 2016, I will graduate with my Bachelors of Liberal Studies. A long awaited end to a journey of 22 years in the making. My journey had been halted at the time of my diagnosis. At times, I never believed my dream would see fruition. While I had the power of knowledge in the definition of my illness, I still needed to experience it in all its glory.

Roadblocks to learning how to live with my mental illness, included both internal and external factors. I had to learn everything from coping skills to medication maintenance. After a while I learned how to read my own signals and recognize my triggers. The next hurdle was in how to express my needs to my family and friends. Then there was the rest of my world. My experience has shown me how to be both humble and proud. I humbly accept my diagnosis and proudly know that it is my gift as well as my curse. Being diagnosed with a mental health condition has taught me how to have empathy. I discovered how to advocate for myself by being an advocate for others. It is a wonderful sensation to know I can help another person. My original dream was to be a social worker so I could help people.

After the 22 years I spent soul searching and soul healing, I discovered I was not put here to merely be a helper. I was meant to be a leader. My time spent heading up a local mental health support group plus becoming a certified peer to peer mentor, solidified my desire to advocate for a change. Life can be spent going from one experience to another, from completing one goal after another. The goal for this next chapter in my life is for me and my partner to move to Columbus and while he lives his dream of film making, I will live my dream of being an advocate. I hope to obtain employment with an affiliation such as NAMI where my ultimate vision will come true.