Personal Stories

I knew I needed counseling and sought it out, but the eight months following were a blur of jumping from therapist-to-therapist and medication-to-medication with no improvement. In fact, I was getting worse. 

Today, I am good. I won’t say great because there are days when I want to give up because I feel no one listens to me about mental illness. But I know I am helping some people.

I felt I had two options: Pick up the phone and ask for help or continue to be that officer with the stigma of not asking for help, because it’s a sign of weakness. 

The voices in my head were real and kept getting louder... Fear began to take control. Instinctively, I knew that panic would only make matters worse.

In this year alone, I’ve had a suicide attempt, a drug overdose accompanied with a felony possession charge, a reckless driving conviction, a DUI conviction, I lost my job, and a host of other difficult situations.

I have to accept that medication and therapy are what I need right now. And who knows, maybe I will need medication and therapy for several years to come, but that is okay.

For so many years of my life, my greatest wish was to not exist... I believed that my feelings of hopelessness, shame, and guilt were all of my own doing. It was all my fault.

The “dragon” (my mental illness) is ever-present and could be planning an attack at any time. If my castle is strong and I have enough warriors on my side, I may just come out of this thing unscathed.

Definitely, with a positive attitude, you can discover the hidden treasures in life, and others can discover the beauty inside of you.

I choose life even though there has not been a single day as far back as I can remember that I haven’t considered suicide at least once.