Focus on Your Recovery

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder at age 15. No one in my family had ever heard of this illness. It was very difficult to accept it, to accept therapy and medication especially. Through the years I had relapses, beginning at age 18. I’ve had three manic episodes and one depression episode. 

The depression episode was by far the scariest. I had been depressed since October 2015 and it continued on until early March 2016. That is when I couldn’t take it anymore. I was hearing voices and having suicidal thoughts. It got so bad that not only did I have planned out what I was going to do, I attempted it.

The thing that was so difficult this time around was that I didn’t know how to catch myself falling into an episode. With mania I’ve learned how to watch patterns of things that seem to be leading me into an episode. This depression was completely different. I would spend all day sleeping and completely isolating myself. When the voices came and I attempted to commit suicide, I voluntarily checked myself into the hospital.

I spent six days there and I am absolutely glad I went and got help. They changed my medication and taught me various coping skills. When I was discharged I stepped foot outside the hospital and looked at life differently. I told myself that this wasn’t going to hold me back. Not the suicide attempt but more importantly, not bipolar disorder. 

It has been a month since I had the depression/suicidal episode and I’ve never felt better. What I would say to anyone going through a similar situation is to not let bipolar disorder—or any other mental disorder—define you. Don’t let what others think they know about it get to you. Focus on your recovery and stay on track with your medication and therapy. Those are the things that will lead you to live a happy, healthy and productive life. When you look back at all that you’ve been through, you will look at yourself as a warrior. We cannot change the fact that we have this mental disorder, but we can use it as a learning experience and grow. Take control of your life and accept your disorder, and it will not take control of you.