I Will Continue to Fight and I Will Win

About 10 years ago I started showing symptoms of OCD, although at the time I didn’t know what it was. I often felt like I was losing my mind. My family started to notice but didn’t step in to help because they didn’t know what it was either.

My disorder started to really get worse after about a year. I was depressed, couldn’t hold my son because I thought he was contaminated. I couldn’t even use the restroom without assistance. My showers and routines were endless. My hands, arms and other areas of my body were bleeding from washing myself raw. I suffered from intrusive thoughts, contamination issues, washing (one of the worst), and checking. My symptoms were so bad that I was supposed to be hospitalized but refused to go because I was paranoid. Needless to say I was at rock bottom. It was a jagged and sharp rock bottom and not smooth at all.

I didn’t know what to do but I could rationalize that I needed help. It wasn’t easy. The anxiety attacks were horrendous, the therapy worse. Medication trials made me feel like a zombie. However, I DID IT! I broke free. Now don’t get me wrong it took years to get to the point I am at today and I will always suffer from this disorder but I can function now and play with my, now two, kids. I will always be grateful for the support groups I’ve found online and in person, along with my therapist. I now have a whole outlook on my disorder. Once upon a time OCD ruled my whole world, now I happily tell it where it can go. If I could come out of the hell I was living. So could you. Please Never Give Up. Fight for your life back! If I can reach just one person with my story then my whole fight would have been worth it.