My Bipolar Disorder Story

Growing up was never easy. As a child, I argued with my parents constantly and there wasn’t a word they said that didn’t set off rage in my heart. It wasn’t just my parents. It was all of my classmates, friends, teachers, etc. The list could go on and on. The rage got me into a lot of trouble. I would physically fight my parents, kick holes in furniture, and did lots of damage because I just hated everyone including myself.

My mind also raced with negative thoughts about how worthless I was and how much people hated me. When I say raced, I mean my thoughts wouldn’t slow down. It was like “OMG my homework is due, your friend hates you, the test is due in an hour, you like that girl don’t you?” The thoughts were very disorganized and popped up spontaneously and I would repeat that thought hundreds of times faster and faster. You get the idea. I was a prisoner of my mind.

This biological sickness wreaked havoc on my academic and personal life. I couldn’t make friends because I was too depressed to leave the house. The racing mind made studying impossible. I couldn’t focus if my life depended on it. There was really nothing I could do. Walking around, talking to people, meditation. Nothing stopped the insanity. The rage. The racing mind. Until I went to see a psychiatrist.

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder by four psychiatrists in college. They gave me medication and I noticed the effects immediately. My thoughts slowed, I could finally sleep, the depression kind of lifted. It was a godsend.

Since then, I’ve been trying all sorts of medications that finally lifted my depression and put me in a place where I am sane enough to socialize and work. I can sleep well, study, write and stay composed because I’m finally receiving treatment. I still struggle to get off bed. I still have motivation issues. But at least it is much better than it was before. When my parents yell at me, instead of yelling back, I remain calm and composed. Things don’t bother me as much and I’m able to just let go. I don’t know what the future holds, whether the meds will continue working or not, or what kind of health issues it may cause. But I know that it works and it is worth it.

I know there are numerous others reading this that are also fighting. Please know that you aren’t alone and that there is hope. I do believe God has his purposes. To those who don’t experience these things, please be aware that this is very serious and please support those in need. You may save a life.

Thank you for reading.