When Silence Isn’t Golden

Many recent stressors have contributed to my heightened conditions. These stressors range from college, work, relationship, family and living arrangement changes. Although most of these changes are normal milestones in life, too much change too quickly can be debilitating.

I have been battling depression for decades. I have been suicidal more than once in my life. I can tell you from my experience—and from those I have met in the same situation—that there is never just one reason that people feel this way.

18 years ago, I attempted suicide. I know just mentioning the word makes people uncomfortable. I get it, but I’m hopeful that by not being afraid to post about it the stigma can be reduced.  

Every day was a struggle to get out of bed and go to school. I didn’t feel like doing anything anymore and lost interest in everything I loved to do. I eventually found a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with bipolar disorder.

My name is Daphne. I am about to turn 40 and I have four children. I live with bipolar 1, PTSD and panic disorder with agoraphobia.  

Logically, I can acknowledge the gratitude I have for the people, opportunities and luxuries in my life. My mental health condition, however, is anything but logical.

It’s going to be a long process, but this is me. I’m not ashamed anymore about being on medication and talking to a therapist once a week. It feels amazing and liberating.

Since my soulmate of 33 years, Steve, took his own life in March, 2015, I have observed that there are some common ties that bind suicide survivors. 

I was very young when I experienced my first break from reality. I remember hearing voices and seeing shadows everywhere I went... As a child, I was confused and scared of the hallucinations I was experiencing.

On March 26, 2015, my 19-year-old brother died by suicide. His death seemed to come out of nowhere, and it left my family in an understandable state of shock.