So Dark & Deep: A Story of Mental Illness

I still find it difficult to do a lot of things, but as the weather warms up and the sun comes out, I find myself smiling. Recovery is hard, but it’s worth it.

Living with anxiety is one of the reasons I decided to pursue mental health and substance abuse counseling as my career. I want to help people that struggle with the deep, dark monsters known collectively as mental illness.

I’m Katie. I’m a 31-year-old mother of three. I have bipolar I and borderline personality disorder. This is just a glimpse of what goes through my head in a regular day.

On the outside looking in, everything is utterly perfect. On the inside, striving for perfection is one of many things that fuels the ugly three-headed monster that swallows up everything happy in my mind. That monster is anxiety.

I started attending NAMI meetings as part of an outpatient program, which was proceeded by my first ever manic episode and my diagnosis of bipolar disorder. 

As someone living with a significant other with bipolar disorder, not only is it a challenge for the individual, but also for their family, friends and caregivers.

Twenty years ago this past Thanksgiving, my 22-year-old son, Nuçi, took his own life after struggling with major depression for many years…It was completely surreal and excruciatingly painful knowing that we’d never see Nuçi again.

I hit rock bottom and I hit it hard. The most difficult thing I’ve ever had to do was make my way back up.

The summer going into my junior year of high school, I started to feel different…A month or two after being diagnosed, the thoughts came. I had a plan to end my life.
 

NAMI support groups have helped me to realize I am not alone in my recovery. I truly believe recovery is possible. My story is not over yet.  I’m ready to reclaim my life.