Stepping out of Stigma’s Shadow

“Doing for others” has essentially become woven into the fabric of my family (being church and community leaders and volunteers). Never did I once consider becoming a mental health advocate—not because I felt negatively about it; but more because I didn’t really spend a lot of time exploring how I felt about the subject. That changed last summer, and every day since then, we’ve spent a lot of time thinking about the subject of mental health.

In the summer of 2014 my daughter began to behave strangely and had uncharacteristic violent outbursts. Our routine became nights with little sleep, crying and screaming until 2am until medication and/or exhaustion kicked in. I would look at her, staring into her eyes, wondering where my sweet, loving daughter had gone. Things escalated quickly as she was experiencing her first break from reality—she became an obvious (even through my denial) threat to herself and others. She was diagnosed with several mental illnesses, which later prevented her from attending school for many months of what should’ve been her senior year in high school.

Our first reaction upon hearing that she was battling bipolar, OCD, Generalized Anxiety with panic, PTSD and SPD was for my husband and me to grieve. Not knowing much of what to expect for future outcomes, we grieved for what we imagined would be the profound changes that’d take place (picturing in our minds worst-case scenario), robbing her of lifelong hopes/dreams and for the loss of the parents we thought we’d be. Then through education and support we “wised-up” and began re-envisioning the parents we’d need to become to support her.

Since initial diagnosis, our daughter has spent all but two months admitted into some form of hospitalization. And in that time frame we have crafted together her care team. There was a time that we blindly accepted anything that any mental health care provider would state, and then we learned it was ok to step in and advocate for your child, that even as a parent you still knew your child better than the well-educated professional. Not every out-patient provider is the right fit for every patient and it is your responsibility as a parent to advocate.

Fast forwarding to now—and sparing gut-wrenching details to keep this post from becoming a massive novel—a great deal has changed for the better. There has been a lot of growth for us all. To give credit where credit is due, we owe it primarily to our local NAMI affiliate and to the education and support provided by outstanding medical professionals we’ve met through a non-profit mental healthcare facility. My daughter has been stabilized through medications and has learned how to cope with her many challenges. 

Our personal experiences have changed us in ways we’d never expected. For one, it completely changed my view of mental health/illness. Because of this I now understand that mental illness is just that, an illness, not a choice; yet it often carries with it great shame/stigma. As a member of NAMI, I work to minimize stigma by bringing awareness to mental health issues through advocacy—by being open/honest and sharing our experience, so others can begin to understand.

Our Family Mantra: One way to minimize stigma, is to bring awareness to mental health issues through education and advocacy. Mental health issues impact people of every walk (and stage) of life; and by starting the conversation, we can support one another.